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The Best Things...Happen While You're Dancing...or sometimes you fall on your head like Evan Lysacek

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TWO DANCE NIGHT for the serious contenders who made it through.  Can I say how surprised I was that Kate Gosselin did not make it last week?  Thank you, viewing public, for putting the both of us out of our misery.  At least we go into this week knowing that we will see some dancing, not someone stepping around the floor while some meaningful Lady Gaga cover plays in the background.

Jake Pavelka (samba):  Jake's obviously got showmanship and he's fun to watch in this dance, even though his movements are not quite coming naturally to him.  Also the choreography just forced him to check out Chelsie's butt and that grossed me out.  Overall...pretty good, but I think the quality will improve as we go on to other dancers.  Len says there is more confidence and it was more polished. Bruno says it lacked rhythm and bounce.  I can get on board with that one.  He didn't wiggle correctly...Jake says he didn't have his dollar.  UGH, I believe that.  Carrie Ann says he pushes himself to the max...she loves that.  He has a good future (here?  or in the Army or what?).  Score:  21/30

I know others have said it, but here it is.  Brooke Burke is terrible at this job.  I think she's worse than Samantha Harris or whoever the last person was. 

UH OH - Drama coming up with Evan Lysacek's MELON.

Evan Lysacek (samba):  OOOH I really liked his rumba last week!  Lots of butt shots of Lysacek's hip action.  They are shown practicing lifts for swing dancing...wow, really no pairs skating potential for Lysacek.  OHMYGOD She just flipped him right onto his brain!!!!  ACCCK That looked terrible and his brain really hurts.  Oh gosh, I feel so bad.  I am always afraid I have a concussion.  He apparently has a very mild concussion.   But he can dance.  Dude, I would be in bed and not move for days.  Because brains are important!  But anyway, he is back to dance the samba.  Booty shakes off the top.  Gosh, this is like...really good.  I am starting to forget that I am watching lanky Evan Lysacek and it just seems like I am watching another really good dancer.  With Debra Messing.  There are some moves towards the end that do look a little awkward but the rest is great.  Bruno says he is going to be hard on him because he has a good lyrical line but it does not work for samba, which requires a different action.  His legs were turned out and they shouldn't be. I quite enjoyed it, but I know  nothing about dance, so I guess he was doing it all wrong.  Carrie Ann said tonight he lost the battle with the samba.  WOW!  She says his lines don't suit this dance.  I guess it's the time in the season where they criticize the front-runner.  Len doesn't want to be nasty but says it was his worst dance.  It was too balletic...it didn't suit him.  Aw, poor Evan.  Score:  21/30.  See....you can't really compare Jake and Evan.  They cannot have possibly gotten the same score...it's ridic! 

Niecy Nash (Argentine Tango):  NIecy is eating the rose she pulled out of his mouth.  Unique approach.  She doesn't quite have the tango leg movements going perfectly.  This might be my least favorite of her dances...her personality does not come out as much.  It's just not working for me.  Carrie Ann says it was nice to see her dancing.  Augh it's the night when I totally don't understand the judge's comments.  She says Niecy was in the zone.  She liked that they went for the lifts.  She thinks they didn't need the comedy.  Len liked it.  Len is an enigma.  He doesn't mind her eating a rose?  He describes the story of the lady of the night trying to get money, but he says NIecy was trying to get food.  And he says it was obvious that she's an enthusiastic eater.  Nice, Len.  But Len thinks it lacked intensity.  Bruno says stay away from my lunchbox.  Oy.  He agrees that it lacked a certain intensity but it was good.  AAANd Niecy is still eating in the room awaiting the scores.  21/30.  Again, don't think you can really compare that with Evan Lysacek.  But it makes the competition more interesting, so whatevs.

Erin Andrews (samba):  Erin is dressed as a sequined purple bird.  She is trying the hip action off the top but it's  a little awkward for me.  I like it better when they start dancing together, but she really looks to be thinking about the steps a lot.  She rips his sleeves off.  Awesome.  They are doing synchronized steps backwards that are suppose to be booty shakers, but I just feel like her upper body is kind of doing too much at that point.  It's actually a good dance...maybe my second fave of the night...I just don't know.  Len says he's given her a 7 every week and she's going to get another 7 tonight because she should be getting 8s, 9s, 10s.  He's fed up...he wants a proper dance.  He doesn't like the shirts coming off.  She's too good for that.  Bruno says she did dance all the way through.  She can do it!  (do what?).  He says the arms were spot on tonight.  It was exciting...something about she likes to be on top (!?).  Carrie Ann says she nailed it.  So I guess she got the steps and samba moves right.  Score:  25/30.  Errmm she got a 9 from Carrie Ann...is this season's show lower quality than others?  I have only watched a few seasons but I am kind of surprised that dance got a 9.

Chad Ochocinco (Argentine tango):  I think it's a pretty good job from Chad...nothing glaring, it was a good dance.  He is so tall!  Bruno says it's the revenge of Ochocinco...something about him being demented.  He says he was hard on him because he knew he had it...and tonight he proved he can dance (extra points for anyone who knows which "he" I am referring to every time I juse the word in that sentence).  Carrie Ann clarifies they were hard on him because he wasn't dancing that well, but tonight he nailed it.  Len says you either grow or you go.  Chad grew tonight.  Score:  24/30. 

Nicole Scherzinger (samba):  Wow she is throwing it all into this dance.  This is what was missing from Erin's...the absolute confidence and abandon.  Loving it.  This is actually hot.  It doesn't hurt that she has ridiculous ruffly metallic material over all her most important shaky parts.  I can't believe I just wrote that.  Running out of engery a slight bit at the end.  I loved that dance, though!  My fave of the night, one of my faves of the season.  Carrie Ann is saying Opa...hmm.  My big fat Greek samba?  She loved it but thought Nicole made kind of a weird facial expression.  Len says Carrie Ann is misinformed and thinks she should be chloroformed (HA!).  Len thought the difficulty was great but the line at the end was ugly.  He said they were missing important steps, it was not a samba, it was a hodgepodge of sexy moves and gyrations.  Bruno says she is one singular sensation. heee.  The dance was superlative.  Hmm.  And he says that she has nothing to worry about.  Score:  26/30. She got a 7 from Len and a 10 from Bruno.  Craziness!

Pamela Anderson (Argentine tango):  Pam's got a brunette wig for tonight.  It starts out well but they almost lose their hold on each other right at the beginning!  I am liking it but then her spaghetti strap falls and I am hoping she has like a roll of dress tape under that costume to prevent a wardrobe malfunction.  This is a good dance.  Sometimes they seem to lose grip on each other or something!  But the legs were great.  Len says this is about seduction and she can do seduction very well.  She had the flavor of the dance but it was sometimes sloppy.  Bruno says another week and another great character from Pamela.  A sultry Latina.  She plays it so well.  She really does, I will say that.  Who knew she was such a good actress?  Carrie Ann says it was sexy but she wanted to see a bit more technique in her legs.  Lower body not playing the part.  Score:  22/30. UH OH.

And now, the first ever swing dance marathon!  YAY.  I think I was at a formative age when the swing dance craze came back in the late 90s...so I have a soft spot for swing dancing.   They will be knocked out by the judges one by one, and each place gets a certain amount of points, with the last couple receiving 10 points and so on.  The couples will be attempting lifts.  And Tom Bergeron essentially says someone might get knocked out...but he says it like that would be good.  NICE!

It's kind of cute watching everyone practice their lifts and...flings.  OMG another joke about Niecy and food from Chad.  Then he says they don't have to worry about Erin because trees can't dance.  I hope they're friends!

Ridiculous/cute outfits alert. 

So far everyone is too adorable for words.  Chad and Cheryl look a little wonky.  Jake and Chelsie get booted.  Evan and Anna are cute but no exciting moves so far.  Chad takes off his shirt and jumps Cheryl, which is fun.  NIecy literally smothers Louis.  Fun?  They get the boot.  Pam is getting lifted and tossed all over the place.  Erin looks to be doing something upside down...loving it.  Evan and Anna get booted.  Too boring!  I am liking what Derek and Nicole are doing...maybe Erin and Maks are my faves here...Chad and Cheryl lose.  Pam and whatever her partner's name is still have some energy...Pam and Damian (oh yeah, that's his name!) lose out.  Erin and Maks are tired.  They are out and Nicole and Derek win!  They get the ten points.  They definitely have more energy than everyone else, wow!  I am going to watch that three more times to try to see what everyone was doing.

Fun show, no disasters from anyone.  And no disasters literally, because Kate is gone.  yay!